The Serve

Yeah? So? What’s the problem?

Scud’s major crime seems to be having a talent that’s unfulfilled. See, I disagree. Anyone who can boast a list of cast offs including Delta, Tara, and Anna K seems pretty damned talented to me. If he can snare one of the O.C. girls, he should be our next Australian of the year.

OK, I admit, Scud hasn’t exactly achieved what he could have. 33 grand slam attempts and just two finals. In fact, he’s only made the quarter final stage on another three occasions. That’s only once every two years. In his ten seasons, Flip has won 10 ATP events. Eh, a nice round number, but even Wayne Ferreira managed to win 15 titles. Ironically though, Poo, playing for a nation which has a warped sense of just how important Davis Cup really is on the world scale, has virtually single-handedly won the damn thing twice. Twice.

Let’s reflect for just a minute.

Australia has played in four Davis Cup finals in this era. Two with Scud. In 99, Poo wins both of his singles matches, against the pro-French crowd. No problem. In 03, Flip is two sets all with Juan Carlos Ferrero, the world number two, and Scud tears his pectoral muscle. He tears his pectoral muscle. Now, I don’t even have a pectoral muscle, but even I know that should’ve been game, set and match. Poo wins the fifth 6-love and Australia wins the trophy. No problem.

The two other finals? One had a mid-match retirement and the other finished with Wayne Arthurs. That can’t be good.

Well, if Poo can this thing twice and is a villain, the supporting cast must be absolute behemoths.

Let’s see. Lleyton? Well, he also has those very same two Davis Cup victories. His record in those ties: 1-2. Not exactly dominant.

And Pat Rafter? Great fella, nice career. But he’s won as many Davis Cups as Pat Welsh. Can you imagine if the Poo had to retire from a Davis Cup final because he was sweating too much? Or, if a year later, the Poo couldn’t front up for the deciding rubber, like Pat in Melbourne? Oh wait, the Scud, a single 23 year old, happened to be photographed on a table with a French topless dancer, after he won. Right. That’s much worse.

So, what do you know? For all of his baggage, Flip has actually done more in the team game than any other modern Australian. For that, he should be given a lifetime ‘get out of jail free’ pass. Skip the first round tie in Azhekbekistan? Understandable Flip, the surf’s no good there that time of year anyway. Lose to the world number 866? Fine, just make sure your home by 6am. Dump Delta for Paris? Hmmm, you’re testing me now, but the man knows what he likes. Hey, I like to eat at fine restaurants most of the time, but sometimes I just want a Chiko Roll.

Look, if Poo wants to spend his time partying around the world instead of hitting tennis ball after tennis ball on the practice courts, I say good luck to him. It’s a hell of a lifestyle. Unless it’s Davis Cup, he only has one person to answer to. Sure, when he’s old and fat and looking out over the balcony, reflecting, he may very well regret his career choices. But when the Olsen twins fetch him a beer from the kitchen, wearing string bikinis, he’ll probably feel a bit better