The Serve Grill: Vince Grella

grellaThe Serve Grill: Vince Grella

Socceroos defender Vince Grella caused a stir with his stinging criticism of all and sundry at the Asian Cup. Now The Serve takes things to the next level.

TS: Vince, thanks for joining us

VG: Are you a chink?

TS: Excuse me?

VG: Eh, don’t worry about it. What would you like to know..

TS: Well, let’s start with that explosive interview in the Sunday papers. You certainly teed off…

VG: Bloody oath. It was high time someone came out and said what we’re all thinking. And given how crap I was through the whole event, who better than me to rip into everyone else and divert attention? Two birds with one stone, really.

TS: You believed the Asians saw the Australians as arrogant?

VG: It’s something which irked me like you wouldn’t believe. Look, we might have turned up just before the tournament for a token training camp. We may have thought we’d crush all those little teams like ants. We may have expected to be treated with the royalty that comes with winning a solitary game at the World Cup and making the final sixteen once. But if there’s one thing we weren’t, it was arrogant.

TS: When did you realise that things were going to be tough?

VG: The minute we got off the plane. The heat. Oh my goodness, the heat was horrible. I know it’s hot in Asia, but here we were coming from Europe, and they hadn’t done anything about it! Didn’t they get the memo that said we’d joined the confederation?

TS: The final indignity for you came when you were red carded against Japan. A week on, what are your thoughts?

VG: As I said, I’d performed that exact tackle a thousand times in my career. A straight red card. I was stunned. Couldn’t believe it.

TS: Couldn’t believe it ended your tournament?

VG: No, couldn’t believe that’s the first time out of a thousand that I was marched! Did you see where my arm was? Cocked upwards that had no business being near Takahara’s head. He did go on with it a bit though, rolling around and playing for the ref. Very un-Australian.

TS: Hang on, what about when Marco Bresciano went down against Italy at the World Cup and got Marco Materazzi sent off?

VG: Don’t remember.

TS: You were only a few metres away…

VG: I was looking at Les Murray in the commentary box at the time. He wore a dark striped suit, dark shirt and light tie.

TS: Really?

VG: Not sure, but I’ll take the odds.

TS: Sticking with Takahara, you said he intimidated the referee…

VG: He did.

TS: And that is also not an Australian trait?

VG: Definitely not.

TS: So how then do you explain Harry Kewell’s scorching rebuke of the World Cup referee who handled the Brazil game?

VG: Different story. Harry did it after the game, when the result was in the bag. Takahara was trying to influence the course of the match, whereas Harry’s mindless rant served no purpose at all, except to almost get him suspended. Now, that’s Australian.

TS: Before we finish, let me run through some of your other quotes. You’ve ‘written the names of Oman, Thailand, Iraq and Japan’ and you’ll be ‘tying that note to your little finger’. Firstly, why are you writing those names down?

VG: Well, for starters I had never heard of Oman before. Is that even a country or some made up team formed solely for the purpose of hindering us?

TS: And why would you be tying a note to your little finger?

VG: Ever heard of taking a ‘mental note’?

TS: Yeah…

VG: I would think my little finger would seem rather appropriate.

TS: You also said ‘We need to remember these things and give these teams a hiding when they come to Australia in the future’…

VG: It’s a must. I can’t wait for the day we get revenge, and when that glorious moment comes when we can decimate one of those mobs on our turf, I’ll be first on the phone from my mansion in Italy to congratulate them.

TS: What’s next for you?

VG: Just kicking back before the new season, spending time with my daughters. Yesterday I took them to The Simpsons movie.

TS: Did you like it?

VG: Walked out after half an hour.

TS: That bad?

VG: I have no idea. I couldn’t handle the characters. Did you know they’re all yellow?

TS: Thank you, Vince.

VG: Expect for that Krusty the Clown fella. Something about him appealed to me.

Interview may not have actually happened

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