The Grill: Elka Graham
Elka Graham has been in the headlines since claiming she was offered performance-enhancing drugs at the Athens Olympics. The Serve cuts through the spin to get to the truth.
Elka, welcome to The Serve.
Hi. Will many people be reading this?
Um, yeah…
Good.
It’s been quite a week. How are you holding up?
Terrific. Front page of The Daily Telegraph today! Four days in a row and we’re still getting it done! Couldn’t have done that on my talent.
A lot of people are calling on you to ‘give up’ the person that apparently offered you these performance enhancing drugs….
Look, it wouldn’t be right for me to give anyone up. I’m not that sort of person.
You could call ASADA in private…
Yes, I could, but that would be to what - an audience of one?
Isn’t that a good thing?
Not for me, it’s not.
Michael Klim, Grant Hackett and Ian Thorpe are all criticising you. Hasn’t that encouraged you to spill the beans?
I’m surprised those people you mentioned have been so heavy on me. Thorpey maybe not so much.
What do you mean?
Well, I knew I’d get his attention when the headline ‘Elka outs swimmer’ came out.
Excuse me?
Oh…nothing.
So were you really offered performance-enhancing drugs at the Athens Olympics?
I was.
Really?
Yes…..technically.
Technically?
Well, it’s complicated. An athlete did approach me and mentioned drugs.
Did they actually offer you drugs?
This is what happened. In the Athens village, I was speaking with an athlete. They said ‘You know, I could offer you some drugs.’
That’s kind of an offer, I suppose. Then what happened?
They said ‘You know, I could offer you some drugs. But for you, it would probably be a waste anyway’.
So that’s not really an offer then is it?
Technically?
Yes.
Um, well.. (phone rings) Hang on a minute. (into phone). Oh hi!……yeah perfect timing….I know, front page!…….Who wants to speak to me? Glenn who?…..Tasker? Is he the guy from 2UE?……….really?…….just tell him I’m out helping sick kids or something…..Okay, bye…
Sorry about that. Where were we?
So, you’re not going to give anyone up. That means the story is dead, right?
Oh, goodness no! The Sun-Herald are extremely keen to do a follow up. You know, a ‘my week of hell’ type piece. It’s perfect.
And then what?
Another startling revelation, to shock the public once again!
What will that be?
Are your ready for this?
Sure.
I was impregnated by an alien.
Thanks for your time, Elka.
More chance of that than being impregnated by Thorpey.
What?
Oh…nothing.
This interview may not have actually happened.
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