The Grill: Andrew Demetriou
It has been a tough time for Andrew Demetriou, boss of the number one sport in Australia. Drugs, tanking and issues with a broadcast partner have all been hot issues, but Demetriou is doing what he does best: Sticking to his guns. Now, The Serve asks the pressing questions.
Hi Andrew, thanks for joining us.
Hello.
Andrew Johns’ revelations of drug use has been a big story here and brought the drugs issue into the spotlight even more. As the boss of a major Australian sport, what was your reaction?
Yes, I did see that on Thursday. I was absolutely stunned to tell you the truth.
With the extent of the drug use? The length of it? The drugs culture in rugby league?
No. I was stunned by the fact that it took up a good ten minutes of our Footy Show and pinched the front page of our newspapers. Here we are, the number one game in town, a game that has worked very hard to take complete ownership of making a meal of the drugs issue, and the NRL goes and trumps us.
Not often they beat us to the punch.
Staying on drugs, there’s been a lot of controversy involving one of your broadcast partners, Channel Seven. Do you support the players’ stance in not conducting interviews with Seven because they outed several players in somewhat dubious circumstances?
Look, this is a tough issue and I don’t want to take sides, because we obviously have a vested interest in both parties. I think Seven do a tremendous job with Bruce and, um, the rest of the team.
Tim? Dennis?
Who?
Tim Watson and Dennis Cometti. Two of their lead commentators.
Oh, Okay. I’m sorry, I have to confess I don’t watch much tele at night.
You said you watched The Footy Show?
Of course I watched The Footy Show. Never miss it. The TV doesn’t go off until Sam’s mailbag.
After the controversy that has surrounded the priority pick, are there any plans to change the system?
No.
Why is that?
Don’t want to.
That’s not a legitimate reason. Surely you can do better than that…
What about “because I said so”?
Andrew, c’mon…
I know you are, but what am I?
What?
Takes one to know one.
Fine. Let’s talk specifically about the Carlton/Melbourne game. Weren’t you embarrassed this was a game nobody wanted to win?
See, you want to spin the priority pick in a negative way, but I thought it was a positive. Big positive. I would have thought this became a terrific contest, when ordinarily it would have meant nothing. Would anyone have cared if it was just 14th against 15th? Would Neil Mitchell and Ernie Sigley have done entire shows of talkback calls on the game? Of course not!
The match had a terrific storyline.
But both teams were trying to lose…
Yes, but everyone was still interested. You can’t buy that sort of publicity.
What about everyone calling the game the battle for the ‘Kreuzer Cup’?
Look, we have so many meaningless cups. It seems like every game is for some bloke who played for one club and then got his retirement cheque at another, so that becomes an excuse to head down to the trophy shop. In fact, I hear next year the Kangaroos and Hawthorn will be playing for the Demetriou Cup.
But anyway, here we had a genuine prize worth winning…or losing. Whatever.
Terry Wallace has compared you to Fonzie from Happy Days, because you can’t admit you’re wrong. Are you offended?
Fonzie, eh? He was a hit the ladies, wasn’t he? Ha! I’ll take that.
That’s an interesting comment from Terry. He hasn’t made a finals at Richmond yet, has he? I guess that makes him Potsie.
Thank you Andrew.
Eehh. Hang on, I can do this.
Eeeehhhhhhh.
That’s better.
Interview may not have actually happened.
Footnote: Demetriou held a press conference the day after this was posted, with his response to Terry Wallace extremely similar to that of the satirical version you’ve just read. To hear Demetriou, click here.
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