Behind the scenes at the Brownlow
Unless you were there at the Crown Palladium, you don’t know the real story of what went on at the Brownlow medal. The Serve brings you this exclusive blow by blow account.
8:36 Telecast begins.
8:37 First unnecessary cutaway shot of Rebecca Twigley.
8:38 Bruce wishes vote reader Andrew Demetriou luck. Demetriou says “I just hope I can be as good as Mark Taylor at the Allan Border medal.”
8:42 Warwick Capper turns up, declaring ‘I’m here, where do I go?’ Capper is promptly directed to the janitor’s room, where he starts his first day of work.
8:46 Round one votes are read, before a commercial break is immediately taken. Seven announces the ‘NBC Today Show’ won’t be seen tomorrow morning.
8:49 Ricky Olarenshaw seen in the green room receiving interviewing tips from Andrew Denton. The contents of the conversation were unknown, but Denton was seen shaking his head and reaching for a brown paper bag.
8:55 Demetriou reads the votes for Geelong v Richmond. He starts with ‘J’, then takes his first elongated pause of the evening.
8:56 Demetriou says ‘Bartel’.
9:05 Robert Walls hands the rest of his table a specially written column, suggesting no-one is good enough to win the Brownlow this year.
9:14 Eddie McGuire appears on Fox Sports On The Couch. Is he so vindictive that he’s willing to appear on a rival station, just to hurt Seven?
9:22 Jodie Henry admits she knows nothing about football. She then says she thinks boyfriend Tim Notting is a chance. Her first statement is proven correct.
9:33 With Judd scorching to an early lead, Rebecca is seen retrieving a text message. It reads ‘Cris lks like he mgt be busy, how bout it? Shane’.
9:39 McGuire appears as ‘Priest 3’ on Channel Ten’s Californication.
9:42 In an interview with Olarenshaw, Rebecca stumbles when asked ‘Hi, how are you?’
9:43 Channel Nine put out a press statement, ensuring Livinia Nixon will continue to be the weather girl on the Melbourne news.
9:49 Demetiou’s pausing has become so incessant, for the Kangaroos v Bulldogs match, he mistakenly reads “Three votes: P.Harvey.…Canberra”
9:55 Dermott Brereton scuffles with bouncers as he is escorted from the building. He is heard to repeatedly yell “Eighteen.”
9:58 Hawthorn’s Sam Mitchell picks up two votes against Carlton. Mitchell’s mullet gets three votes.
10:01 Simone Warne makes a surprise appearance, informing the media she “just wants to keep a low profile.”
10:05 The Chaser decides to by-pass plans to crash the event, with Chas telling reporters ‘Neil Kearney is doing a good enough job ruining the night without our help.”
10:12 With the count well ahead of schedule, Seven quickly adds a moving five minute tribute to the career of Andrew Leoncelli.
10.18 In an ad break, Rebecca declares she’s off to the bathroom to ‘powder her nose’. Everyone else at the Eagles table looks downwards and shuffles awkwardly, until Ben Cousins excitedly says “Did you say ‘Powd……’ Oh, you were being metaphorical.”
10:24 Robert Harvey becomes the first player to poll in 100 games.
Once Bruce reads out this stat, a herd of children come from nowhere to storm the Crown Palladium, mobbing the St.Kilda veteran.
10:25 The kids are rounded up and taken back to the car park.
10:26 Chad Cornes becomes the first player to rack up 100 miserable cutaway shots.
10:28 Sam Newman spotted walking towards the car park.
10:38 For the Round 17 votes between Carlton and St.Kilda, a clearly bored Demetriou says “For God’s sake, just read it in the paper.”
10.48 Rex Hunt walks up to a waitress, takes a beer off a tray, then hands her money. When told drinks at the Brownlow are free, Hunt says “Yes, I know.”
10:58 Jimmy Bartel secures the Brownlow with a best on ground in the 20th round. A Seven staffer hears Kearney bellow ‘do I still get paid for the last two rounds?’
11:00 Demetriou breaks the record for ‘fastest vote count ever’ in Round 21.
11:03 Demetriou breaks his own record for ‘fastest vote count ever’.
11:05 AFL Chairman Mike Fitzpatrick takes to the podium, closely followed by his toupee.
11:10 With the count over early, Seven decides to fill in the remaining twenty minutes with an impromptu Players Revue. With the relationship between players and Seven still frosty, the revue is left up to MacAvaney and Cometti. The duo start with a rendition of ‘You can call me Al’. Cometti appearing to enjoy the trumpet solo a little too much.
The pair then hurriedly change outfits. Cometti strolls back on stage in a sailors uniform, while Bruce walks out in a big wig and fishnets, swinging a microphone, before signing Cher’s ‘Turn back time’, serenading an edgy Daniel Giansiracusa.
In the sea of boos, Kevin Sheedy is heard to say “I knew it.”
11:29 A tired and emotional Brendan Fevola seen sidling up to the stage to give Cher his number.
11:30 Telecast concludes.
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