The Serve

When the Socceroo’s ended their generation-long drought to make the greatest sporting event in the world, you pointed out that all we’d done is made a 32 team tournament ‘and in the fair dinkum department we’z should be there every time’. When Germany happened, sure, you got involved, you set your alarm and maybe even went to the pub at 5am. Drinking schooners for breakfast and not being judged as an alco was quite the novelty. But even in the gloriest of moments, you contemptuously warned that ‘this only happens once every four years. I just hope soccer can sustain it’. No you don’t. You secretly hope soccer shrivels up and dies. Not because you don’t like it. You just don’t want your sport to perish.
 

So a little panic sets in, but with poise and self assurance, you point out the World Cup might be big, but hey, none of these blokes play here. Fair point. Then 40,000 turn up at a Melbourne Victory game. Hmmm. You feudally point out the footy finals are coming and they’re going to be great dammit. Oh dear. Last week a near full house turns up at Suncorp Stadium for a friendly. ‘Oh yeah, well….its, um, Brisbane. Of course they went, um, what else is there to do?’.Bigotry. It’s that desperate. Then comes the topper. Australia’s most tempestuous sporting city, hosts a virtually meaningless match, in the middle of the week, against Bahrain (Bahwho?), and guess what? They have to put up the ‘house full’ signs.
 

So, what’s your comeback this time?
 

Oh sure, the pundits pointed out there were seedings for the Asian Cup on the line. That used to be a sign of desperation. Now they do it with a quiet cockiness, as if it doesn’t even matter -  because everyone’s coming anyway. This was a nothing game, and it was chocka’s. Goodness. This mightn’t be a fad.
 

Hey, you might think you’re cynical, but not as cynical as the good people that run the other sports. They have multiple amounts of spin for each momentous football event. They have to. Their jobs depend on it.
 

The AFL will instantly hit you with the grand final. A million people in Sydney watched the Swans. Sure, that’s true. Of those million who watched the game so intently, how many do you reckon could pick, say, Sean Dempster out of a line up? Or Nick Malceski, or Steven Doyle? That’s the difference. The Socceroo’s now have that instant recognition factor that engulfs even the most casual of fans. Tim Cahill? The guy who won the game again Japan and did the boxing thing. Marco Bresciano? The bald one from those Nike ads. John Aloisi? The ladies will tell you he was the one that took his shirt off. Lucas Neill? They wish he took his shirt off. The list rolls on. Notice Harry Kewell and Mark Viduka didn’t need to be mentioned?
 

Things have changed.
 

Rugby League will talk about the fact it has thirty weeks in a row of consistent competition, with very good TV numbers. They’ll mischievously bring up the fact that 900,000 Melbournians tuned in to Rabs and Co for the grand final. Puhleese. League has always pinned its reputation on Origin. It’s always been the event that everyone else wished they had. But do you recall how pitiful it looked this year, Telstra Stadium less than full, while the general sporting population was learning how to say ‘Guus’.
 

Rugby, oh boy, rugby will talk effusively about how they were the Cinderella’s three short years ago and how they have that $40 million still sitting in the bank. Here’s a tip: so does Paris Hilton. Doesn’t necessarily mean its going to do any good. And I’ve read the sequel. While the Prince is out working, Cinderella doesn’t really have that much to do and spends most of the day watching pay tv on the couch eating Kingston biscuits. She might be Cinderella, but she’s not immune to a muffin top.
 

So as you conveniently forget the fact that on a standard winters night, the Swans consistently have a ding dong battle with the cooking show on SBS, or more people in Sydney watched a Socceroo’s world cup game at 5am than the NRL grand final, or that rugby has become so tedious, Seven has built an entire new technology which allows them to pause a live broadcast because they think the Bundy Ads have a better audience hold factor, remember this: The Socceroo’s aren’t playing two fair dinkum games every four years anymore. They’ve got a whole book of World Cup qualifiers, the Asian Cup and its qualifiers, not to mention friendlies, plus events like the Confederations Cup and of the course, with a bit of luck, the World Cup itself.
 

The calendar is full now. And it will stay that way.
 

What’s your excuse now?